promise me forever..tell me what im worth….don’t be mad im sorry……..
+ill do anything to hear you tell me beautiful things and kiss my face in between your hands. anything…
+crying all day. cried all night. fell asleep for two hours. ali didn’t call. cried in the morning. cried during viking day. cried in the bathroom during chemistry class. cried on the walk home. cried at home. crying now because ali didn’t call when he promised he would. why can’t he hold me and carress me and gently kiss me without me having pull him closer or ask or cry? why hasn’t he looked at me lately with his crinkly eyes and crooked smile? im doing everything wrong..ill never be good enough and i hate myself more every day. i want long messages and goodnight calls that leave me smiling. i don’t want to die anymore but everyone is right. this world would be a better place without me in it. god im crying so hard i cant breathe. i just need ali. i need him to call and tell me everything will be okay. to see a huge smile spread across his face when he sees me at school. to say goodnight ruby amira, my love. to make everything better again. my heart is breaking i need help i don’t know what to do i just want ali
+crying myself to sleep again..i will never be a good person..he’s not going to call back or call me ruby amira or anything…i need to sleep..i need to stop crying……
+i hope you tell me beautiful things and i remember to make you lunch and i wont cry after i walk home from your work tomorrow..
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and our apartment and to be married and flowers like you used to give me and long messages and movies and shopping trips and money for the both of us and strawberry lemonade and to share every night with you and to be out of this house and for you to call me ruby amira every morning or night and to hold me so close you squeeze the sadness out of me and to never have to cry myself to sleep again
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are you remembering the apartments? the water fight at logboom? our first night together? are you remembering how i held you when you cried and when you would always brush the hair from my forehead and cup my face and kiss me and say god you’re so fucking beautiful? are you remembering when you told me you would keep me safe and never let make me cry? that id be a good mother? do you remember jordan? when you called me just to tell me you loved me and missed hearing my voice? when you sang me the alphabet to help me sleep? do you remember…
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